ED

Tonight is the night I finally get to see/hopefully meet Ed Sheeran. For those of you who don't know who he is, Ed is an amazing, rising musician that is the current big music sensation across the nation. I love his music so much because I have a special connection to acoustic guitars. I can't play one,  don't be silly, but the passion that someone can portray through any kind of strumming on a guitar amazes me.

 Ed not only is a fantastic guitarist, but lyricist. He finds a balance in writing meaningful words from his experiences and feelings whilst letting them out as if he's been fighting a battle to release them. It's like therapy. I think the reason he is becoming so popular is because he can use this to his advantage and people hear his music, and relate to the source he is coming from. Hearing his melodies can emote any emotion inside of me that I'm calling on at any particular time.

Ed, as you can see, is ginger! Another reason to love him! He is different; individual; happy to stand out. Everyone wants a hero like him to aspire to be like.

You have to be brave.

Aaaaaahhh. GRRRRR>  RAWR. That feeling when you just want one of those pillows loaded with feathers that I can just chuck everywhere and explode.

When I feel like exploding, a firework comes to mind. They are so bright and beautiful when they explode, but the sound leading up to the bang is horrific and you just want it to be over already. That is how I feel.

Most of the time, I'm pretty sure that I know myself now. I know what I believe in; what inspires me; what I don't like; what I want from my goals; what makes me tick; how I deal with things; what I'm scared of; what my limits are; what I love. Knowing your own mind is the start to anything and it's so important that you know yourself in order to judge yourself.

So, I am sentimental. Today, being the last full day of school with everybody, made me so sad. Even though I am staying at Cooper for Sixth Form, there are some important people to me who are leaving and they mean the world to me. I would not be the person I am without having these amazing friends standing by my side. Also, the teachers, who most people take forgranted, have worked their asses off to make sure we do well and achieve the best in life. I would not be where I am if it wasn't for their care and support. I will always appreciate that.

But why am I made to feel like my feelings arn't valued? Is it that I just care too much about too many people, who simply just don't care at all? My head tells me this isn't true and that things won't change - put on a brave face Savannah. My insecurities tell me I should worry about it and that when people act like they don't care, I should stop being so nieve, stop reading into detail, and accept they don't care.

Sometimes people just need reassuring. I know in my head what is true, but a little reassurance would ease my fears. I hold on to everything. Every little day the sun comes out and everyone I love smiles because of it, I hold onto those days.

I am now going to contradict myself completely:
I love change. I love the excitement of making a spontaneous decision; of experiencing new things and meeting new people; change in scenery; change all round. I really do. I'm just scared of it at first. I'l go all shy and get a nervous rash and shrink 3 inches smaller to make me even shorter than I already am. As soon as I find my confort zone, I'm ok. It's just the initial letting go of what was.

Letting go and holding on. One of my biggest challenges. The skill of balancing these two, and smiling the whole way. You have to be brave. Willing to jump off the edge without actually knowing the depth of what you're getting into...

Here's a thought!

GREEN TEA + BLUEBERRIES.

Why is green tea so good for your health? Why are we only just figuring this out? Well across Asia green tea has been used as a healing element for over 4,000 years now, so they have definately had much longer to appreciate the benefits!

Green tea and blueberries are both full of anti oxidants that replenish the mind, body and soul. This, I oh so sweetly remind myself, is what I am constantly searching for when i'm in a state of humidity in my tangent thoughts. So now I sit, tears in my eyes over the saddest episode of Grey's Anatomy I've ever seen,  munching on blueberries and sipping down some lushness from my apple and pear green tea. Who knows if it'l make a difference!? All I know is I want to change my life for the possitive. Considering summer is edging closer as every day the sun decides to give us light for that little bit longer and greet us in the morning just that little bit earlyer, I want possitive change. My exams finish soon and I also start my new job on sunday.
Anything that gives me that freshness in order to keep my mind open and free is worth a try.
So;
GREEN TEA AND BLUEBERRIES IT IS.

Lost.

We are the  generation of the future. We are desperately trying to find ourselfs in order to find our purpose so that everyone else will lay off our cases. We take on the stress, pain, fears and faults of others because we feel somebody must or else the whole belief of peace will fall off the wall of existance. It's a juggling act that I feel i have become rather skilled at recently - a cycle of smiling for others instead of yourself; in the vain hope that the satisfaction of being there for others is enough to cure your own aching, lost soul.

Who is lost and who is found? How do we live contently? What does it all mean anyway? Why does it matter? Why why why why...

Sometimes there are no answers. That is because you don't need to hear the answers to know them. All you need is faith in yourself. The rest will unfold over the random course of fate's slippery slope. Love yourself. Jason Mraz posted once about loving every little thing about himself; and then loving everyone else.

You don't need to know your purpose or message, destiny or fate; you just need to trust that your feelings, pain, love, fear (whatever it may be) makes you who you are. You can never be anyone but you. Love it. Embrace it. Be proud of you. Because you are one in six billion - your light will never die.

OneAndOnly.

I told myself I was going to get an early night tonight. HOWEVER, Kevin McGuire decided to do a livestream on twitter. Sooooo....

Anyway, the point of this is that I have so much love pouring out of me for musical artists who are not recognised. Artists who have so much talent, passion and soul for what they do and do it for themselves only. They get happiness  and comfort from putting message they are so desperately trying to portray into words and feelings everyone else relates to. Right now, Kevin only has 35 people watching his livestream! But he is doing it because he knows he can't give up. He has an audiance who appreciate his message, and he will keep singing and playing guitar as long as anyone wants to listen. I feel lucky to be one of the 35 listening to him singing away in his room in Glasgow because I know that the support means the world to him. Just like when I noticed the talent Mike Dignam had and after getting him to perform at my house for my 16th, I know without a doubt his future is bright and exciting because he is a star. Now he has his own UK tour and is spreading his message every single day through musical notes, big smiles and the rythmic strumming of his guitar.

It's not just acoustic music I appreciate. As long as the music has a message reaching out to me that I can understand, Every note will touch me. Music just has a way of softening and bluring everything. Then again, it is always there to liven up and excite your life when you need it to.

I think i respond to musical artists, because my passion is art. Without art, i can't find my colours or textures or shine. Art is the essense of my passion. Its the same for musicians and the music they create. The whole world of creativity is an endless cycle of creating, discovering and being.

Come fly with me.

While currently sat on my bed with my laptop infront of me, my fat cat half on my lap - half falling off - (snoring away), and Frank Sinatra blaring from my Itunes shuffle which is a completely rare occassion, I realize i should be revising. But the concept of doing calculations to figure out the concentration of hydrochloric acid using titrations in chemistry is de-moralizing. I would much rather be dreaming about the meaning behind Sinatra's song "Come fly with me."

If I could, i'd already be flying away to somewhere exotic like madagascar. I'd love to go to that wild but beautiful island! There is a type of sloth/lemur (I really don't know) called a SLOW LORIS which is by far the coolest, weird but cutest creature i've ever come across. Youtube "Slow Loris loves getting tickled." You will then see how bizzare it really is! A Slow Loris has the biggest, curious eyes, yet it looks like a cuddly koala bear teddy that a kid would fall asleep with. So funny to watch it just being in existance, slowly taking in its surroundings without a care in the world besides the constant need to be tickled an awful lot. Unfortunately this species is highly endangered - I know because I even, for some random reason, googled the possibility of a slow loris pet ownership. I know, it's lame and I would never actually get one.

During exam period, stress levels are high. Everyone I come into contact with (my age or teachers prepared to rip their own hair out) have blood shot eyes decorated with big dark circles undernieth - sneakily destroying any innocence we have left. I don't even recognise myself when I get up in the morning! I'm so tired all the time, yet sleep just doesn't happen. Somehow, I lay in bed for hours trying to sleep but the constant circle of songs, dreams, memories, (flooded with stress about history, science, french, RE exams, etc) all invade my attempts to shut down. Also, I just found out I got the job at French Connection in Bicester Village - which I am stupidly and crazily excited about! However my hours are long on the weekends, making revision time limitted.

All of this brings me back to the topic of Sinatra's  "Come fly with me.." Just for now, just for tonight, just for a moment in time, I will imagine someone "one of a kind" knocking on my door and swiftly whisping me away to a private jet - flying me anywhere but here. I think that would be wonderful. The sun shining down just because it wants to make me smile and my hair would dance in the wind just because the wind was enough to breeze through my soul effortlessly taking away all my stresses and worries with it. And when I wake up tomorrow, I will deal with all that needs to be dealt with because I know it's not right to just ignor what I don't really want to do. But for now... "Just glide, starry eyed... Come fly with me... let's fly! Let's fly away!"